As many of you know, Little Boy Cross is coming this August.
I’m stoked, truly. So, so excited. Pumped. Gung-ho. Ready to meet the little parasite that’s pummeling my insides day and night.
BUT SERIOUSLY I’M TERRIFIED.
Setting aside the fact that I was a pediatric RN for the first six years of adulthood and saw everything that can and does go wrong, I also started this great little idea called indie publishing.
Right now, publishing is not only a hat I wear, but almost a child unto itself.
I spend all day with it. When I’m not working on it, I’m probably thinking about it, or forcing my time away from thinking about it because I need a break. Writing is what brings me joy, happiness, depression and frustration all in the same day. It keeps me up at night, prevents me from sleeping in, and alters my social life.
Luckily, I can take an easy break from wearing the publishing hat for a little while. Little Boy Cross?
Little Boy is bringing a whole new hat to my world.
Why I’m scared to wear both hats.
1. I don’t want to lose career momentum.
2. I don’t want to be so motivated for my career that it weirds out my relationship with Little Boy. I have a tendency to get intense and do things in overdrive to prove myself.
3. My pretty flexible schedule is about to get whacked.
4. I thought a mortgage was a big commitment, but this child thing brings in a whole new dimension. Thinking about how much I rely on my own Mom even at 28 (hi Mom! *waves*) means this raising-a-child party isn’t ending soon.
5. I was an awesome nurse, I loved my job, and I may know how to take care of babies and children, but that doesn’t mean I know how to do it 24/7.
6. It also doesn’t mean I’m good at it 24/7.
7. Everyone likes to talk about their terrible experiences either in labor or child raising, which I get. People vent. The truth hurts. Parenting is sucky sometimes. It’s tough. But it’s getting to the point where I’ve stopped bringing Little Boy up in conversation because I just can’t handle the insinuation that having Little Boy means I lose all sense of personal gravity or hygiene. (Seriously). This happens ALOT. ALL THE TIME. NONSTOP.
This helpful advice throws me into mini panic attacks.
“Kiss your life goodbye. You’ll never sleep again. Hope you function well on three hours for the next two years. Did you like exercising? Cause that won’t happen when baby is here. Date your husband now because you won’t get alone time for the next eighteen years. Take pictures of your body now because you’ll never get it back. Your life will never be your own from now on out. Don’t plan on publishing books for a long time after having kids because you’ll never have time. Your dogs are about to become just dogs because you won’t have time for them. Get ready for labor because you feel like you’re split in half. You’re going to lose all the curl in your hair so enjoy it now.”
To be fair, not everyone is like this. My bestie Tara, my mom, and watching my sister Sarah (who still showers and sleeps) with my 4 month old Nephew, Caleb, helps calm the panic.
7. Being a nurse means I know where things can and do go wrong in a child’s world. I’ve given CPR to babies. I’ve watched parents lose their teenage child. I’ve seen children cry in pain that can’t be stopped. I’ve seen sapped Mothers sobbing because they’re on their last straw because we couldn’t find out what’s wrong with their once perfect child. And that changes a person.
Quantifying how I feel about this whole merging the entrepreneur hat with Little Boy hat isn’t all darkness and angst, however. I don’t feel like I have to wear only one hat at any given time. My hope is that I can still wear the entrepreneur hat, but maybe keep it underneath Little Boy hat, which will obviously be bigger and consume more than anything else.
Let’s be fair: while I’m sincerely frightened of this whole parenting process, I’ve also never been so excited for something in my life.
I’m going to end this on a note of happy reality.
Why I’m NOT Scared To Wear Both Hats.
1. Little Boy is going to be a runner based on how much he moves now, which means he’s going to party in the mountains with me all the time, which means I have another partner-in-crime and a clone of my husband. #wildchildinthemaking
2. I already really like this little terrorist.
3. I love a good challenge. Seriously. While it will be difficult to wear both hats, I’m determined to make it happen because I want to prove to Little Boy that working for dreams is worth it.
4. The fact that he’s half Husband means he’s going to be a stud. A serious stud. I’m stoked to have another Husband in my life, except that will exponentially increase the number of farts in my world. My husband is a major hottie, if I haven’t said it before.
5. Fresh baby smell far outweighs New Car Scent. By 10,000.
6. Because my mom told me that having kids was the best thing she ever did, and when I freak out because I’m not sure I’m ready to do this, that means something really cool about Mom’s.
Tell me your thoughts on the hats in your life. Or mine. Or give me MORE delightful tidbits on why parenting is the rockiest road on planet earth 🙂
In the meantime, check out this yummy Paleo Sweet and Sour Chicken recipe that I made for dinner tonight. #seriouslygood